Erin Diehl is a clinical pastoral counselor, and she offers wise words for those in the middle of grief or preparing for it. Her guidance may be important for looking to place a loved one in hospice care.
Overcoming Loneliness After Loss
1. Reach Out to Friends: "After my husband's death, I had to learn that when my loneliness seemed overwhelming I could not sit around and wait for someone to call me. I needed to initiate the encounter...If you seek support you will find it."
2. Commemorate Your Loss: "If you are grieving the death of a loved one, find a way to express the loss you feel, and also to symbolize the ongoing presence of that loved one in your life...Find a way to celebrate the gift that your loved on has been to you. Perhaps you could plant a tree or write a poem. However you choose to memoralize your loved one, draw comfort from the fact that nothing can take your cherished memories from you or erase the untold ways your loved one has touched your life and remains very much with you."
3. Trust that the Pain Will Pass: "My friend Mary was in a lot of pain after her husband abruptly left her with six children to raise. Even though the marriage had not been an ideal one, Mary felt the agony of loneliness. But her faith carried her through the most difficult times, and she is a wiser and stronger person today.
'We can pass through pain because it will not last forever,' she says. Mary believes that all of life involves gift and loss. If your pain feels overwhelming, take some comfort in knowing it will not always feel as intense as it does today."
4. Cultivate an Appreciation For Solitude: "Find activities you can do alone that bring you satisfaction and peace of mind and heart. At your time of deepest loss, try to find something special to do that brings you joy. You can never replace the person you have lost, but you can find comfort in solitude if you learn to befriend it."
5. Get the Support You Need: "After an experience of great loss, it is natural to feel a variety of emotions. If you would like some ongoing help exploring and working through some of the difficult emotions that may surface, consider getting some private counseling, attending a support group that addresses your needs, or both."
6. Turn to God for Strength: "My faith in God was and is the best coping tool I have. Prayer and meditation can be excellent paths to inner peace and balance. If you are feeling too distressed to pray or sit quietly, don't forget that there are a host of excellent spiritual books and tapes."
"Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, emphasizes the value of a grateful heart. It is hard to be thankful and sad at the same time. Spend a little time pondering the many things in your life for which you are grateful. With time, you may even feel gratitude for the admittedly painful lessons you are learning as you move through your present loss."
