When people face a terminal diagnosis or learn of that a loved one has received a terminal diagnosis, anger is a natural response. Anger is a universal emotion that if understood properly and channeled effectively can become useful during the grieving and coping processes. Blue Skies Hospice has a staff of trained and compassionate professionals dedicated to caring for patients and their families as they run the gauntlet of emotions, fluctuating from anger to sadness to despair and to acceptance.
Louisa Rogers, a counselor and communication consultant in California, writes about some of the important ways to deal with anger when terminal or bereaved:
1. Identify destructive expressions of anger. If you express your anger in ways that hurt other people and inculcate feelings of guilt, you are likely expressing your anger in an overly aggressive, overly passive, or indirect fashion. Identify those moments and expressions, and self-critically work to correct and curtail them.
2. Express you anger assertively. State clearly and firmly what is upsetting you without attacking the other person.
3. Give yourself time. Slow down and take a moment of reflection before expressing yourself impulsively and angrily. This step is especially important for the bereaved, who are often operating in an emotional state and should reflect in a number of ways for a number of reasons.
4. Practice detachment. Detachment is not always synonymous with cold and insensitive. Detachment is often necessary for emotional health and intellectual sanity. If a person or series of circumstances is the cause of undue anxiety and anger, it may be wise to momentarily remove yourself from the situation.
Louisa Rogers, in her writing on anger, includes an instructive quote from the great Athenian philosopher Aristotle that summarizes the power of anger and the power to control it:
"Anybody can become angry - that is easyl but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - is not easy."
Even if it is not easy, everyone can work to accomplish it. During moments of pain brought on by death, Blue Skies Hospice can help those deal with their anger and find the right way.
