Ed had been declining rapidly, which concerned me so much that I had a talk with the Assistant Director of Nursing at his facility about it. She had spoken with the Medical Director, who'd confirmed that Ed did indeed qualify for hospice services.
After our talk, I just roamed around the facility aimlessly, like a lost child. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. The very word 'hospice' scared me. The news forced me to realize that Ed was, in fact, dying. I had been in denial about that, but the denial was gone forever.
I felt like signing the papers would be tantamount to signing Ed's death warrant. I knew that wasn't true, but it's how I felt.
In the days that followed, I thought a lot about the decision I was facing. During each passing day I convinced myself that Ed wasn't quite ready for hospice care. I later realized, however, that I was the one who wasn't quite ready for it.
I made an appointment with a second colleague who was a faculty member at the University of Cincinnati. I had so many questions. At times during our talk, I realized I was actually holding my breath. I struggled to pay attention. As I saw it the only purpose of our discussion was to learn more about Ed's impending death.
But when he had answered all of my questions, he looked at me kindly and said, "You know, Marie, the real question for the caregiver is 'How do I help this person have the highest quality of life possible in the time that's remaining?'"
That really turned me around. Instead of fixating on Ed's impending death, I began thinking about his remaining life and what I could do to bring happiness and joy to his final days. Once I started doing that I felt much better and Ed and I had a beautiful conclusion to our long life together.
Marie's moving story is something very familiar to the competent and caring staff at Blue Skies Hospice. Our nurses, clergy, social workers, and volunteers will help patients and their families move through their painful period of transition with the grace, dignity, and compassion that Marie and Ed experienced.
