Kay Talbot, a certified grief therapist and noted author on grief and mourning, writes that there are ten persistent myths about grief.
1) When a loved one dies, our relationship with that person ends: When the person isn't there anymore, a new relationship begins. The bereaved takes on the role of biographer, and must work through the pain and suffering to establish a new relationship that acknowledged the reality of death, but maintains the bond of love.
2) People who experience the same loss have the same grief: Individuals grieve in individually unique ways.
3) There is one right way to grieve: Empty platitudes and cliches do not acknowledge the individually unique quality of grief. Grief is not a problem to be solved or disorder to be cured. It is a process to be lived.
4) Time heals all wounds: It is what the bereaved do with the time that counts. Healing begins as people acknowledge true feelings and share stories with empathetic listeners.
5) All losses are the same: Experiencing loss does not mean that you completely understand another individual's loss.
6) Feeling and expressing intense grief emotions is a sign of weakness and lack of control: It takes great strength to fully live and express grief. Therefore, individuals should take the time and energy necessary to resolve their grief, most especially emotional time and energy.
7) Once grief is resolved it never comes up again: Most people who find peace after grief will still experience occasional, temporary upsurges of grief.
8) Everything about grief is negative and devastating: Love and humor can result from grief. As Father Edward R. Ward points out, "Death makes love urgent." Grief can often help individuals gather insights into their lives and prioritize their relationships more meaningfully and beneficially.
9) Religion always brings comfort during times of loss: Many people find solace in their faith. Other, immediately after a loss, find it too difficult and painful to pray or attend church. People must be allowed to grieve, in all ways, even spiritually, according to their own inner-schedule.
10) We "get over" grief: No one ever "gets over" a devastating loss. It is not that simple. People absorb it, and leanr from it. Their lives are changed forever.
For those of you looking for assistance, comfort, and "empathetic listeners" during your time of grief, contact the Blue Skies Hospice office. Blue Skies sponsors a bereavment group that meets once a month.
